Tonight's blog is for you mom. I miss you. I just don't get how you could be so infuriating and cause me so much stress, and now be so sorely missed. I had fun with you, I did. I often go out now alone and wish I could be picking you up to go with me. When you were here, I was often resentful of having to spend my time with you, go figure. I do know that you were one smart woman, and I did realize that while you were here, but I don't know if I told you that or in any way made you believe it. I am sorry I didn't validate you, I should have. I should have been in your camp instead of fighting you, because you truly did know better. Why don't we find that out until a mother is gone? I am not the first daughter to feel this way after her mother has passed on, I have spoken to many who like me, felt put upon and did not appreciate what I had. Were you perfect? No. Were you a saint? God no! But were you wonderful? Yes, and I should have been better to you, more patient and understanding of all you endured, because it is not easy to be a mother. It is especially hard to be mother who wants nothing more than to be a good one, and then not have everything turn out just fine. I understand you now, I love you, and in the two years you have been gone, I have never missed anyone as much as I have missed you.
Rosemary
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThat was really touching to read. Thank you. You should know that it was evident that you loved your mother. She loved coming up north with you. Remember when she fell off the dock? She had such a great spirit that she didn't even care that she went in the water with her clothes on! I think everyone feels a bit impatient with her mother sometimes. You two loved one another, and that was apparent to everyone--including her. Thanks for sharing this post. I really loved it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kath, it is always good to know you're reading. When my mom fell in the water, she came up with her drink still full and that was all she cared about, didn't bother her that she was soaking wet, she hadn't spilled a drop! That was the best! She really was something.
ReplyDeleteI have heard you say many times while I was growing up that you didn't fully appreciate your mother until you became one yourself. I rolled my eyes when you first said it, but I listened. I am not a mother yet but I hope I have shown you at least a little bit that I appreciate you more than anything. I know without a doubt that Grandma knew how you felt about her...I don't know if you ever noticed, but when you would get frustrated with her she would sometimes turn to me and laugh. I laughed too, sorry that we laughed at you but I think it shows that she never took your frustrations with her too seriously! I love you mom and I miss Grandma too!
ReplyDeleteThank you my darling, I love you too! And yes, I noticed. Grandma loved you and wanted to be special to you. Missing her means she had an impact on your life and that's good.
ReplyDelete